Ric Seaberg's Useful Information

We Talk About Cars
Copyright Ric Seaberg

The girls in the book group talk about feelings
Politics and government, ethical dilemnas
The girls in the book group talk about details
Character development, dieting and travel
Personal revelations, how the y got their hair cut
Tom and Patty's marriage, Sally's romance
But over in the driveway, just before football
The boys are sorta pensive, and if and when we talk….

(Chorus)
We talk about cars, some about fishin'
Getting' more mileage from a manual transm ission
Cars!…To make the connection…we talk about cars!

The girls in the book group talk about issues
Worries on the homefront, what would make you happy?
The girls in the book group talk about children
Other people's problems, jobs and global warming
Ob sessive and compulsive model train enthusiasts
Oprah's new selection and Niki's new boss
But over in the brew pub, sippin' up micros
The boys are kinda quiet, But if and when we talk….

We talk about cars! All across the nation
How your plugs are firin' i s useful information
Cars!… To make the connection, we talk about cars!

(Solo)
(Bridge)

We like to bond over bondo, it isn't right or wrong
We share a common language, that's how we get along!

The girls in the book group read between the crow's feet
Se arching for the meaning and shedding a tear
The girls in the book group talk about lifestyle
And choices people make about the way they live
Arrogant and disgusting SUV drivers
Menopausal moments and when to retire
But over by the big screen snackin' on nachos
There's no conversation but if and when we talk….

We talk about cars! Anna Kournikova
Stickin' new wheels on the 66 Nova
Cars! To make the connection….
We talk about….
We talk about cars!! (repeat, fade)

Talking parts:

Ric: Yo Timmy!

Tim: Hey what’s up?

Ric: Hey What’re you runnin’ in that Chevy?

Tim: Oh I’ve Got a 327 with a big high-rise and Holley carbueration 

Ric: Ohhhhhhh!

Ric: You just got some new struts for that didn’t ya?

Tim: Of course!!!!

Ric: Sweeeet!!

There was a man, to be precise, livin' Velveeta loca-like

Smokin' and drinkin', cholesterol offa the chart

And to be true, I was the man…

I needed some nice girl to hold my hand-

I wanna thank you baby for the betterment of my heart.

I wasn't calm, I was alone

I ate a lot of fries and ice cream cones

Hidin' my sorrow, drivin' around in my car

You came along, to be my wife, 

You gave me love and fish to save my life

I wanna thank you baby for the betterment of my heart

The doctor said to call him right away

You got a test to take

I think I'd rather be the last to know

The chances that my heart will break

Solo

The doctor said to call him right away

We got the testing back

I think I'd rather be the last to know

The chances of a heart attack

I called him back, he says I'm fine

"You got the LDL right back in line

I wanna know, son, what your secrets are!"…

I'm good to her, she's good to me

And that's the way love is supposed to be

I wanna thank you baby for the betterment of my heart

I wanna thank you baby for the betterment of my heart

I need a half inch router and a three-ton jack

I need a rear tine tiller and a wet dry vac

I want a gas line trimmer for the locoweed

I need a cordless sander with a warrantee but I..

Don't need this broken heart

That only time will mend

I can …fix almost anything

But when love turns its back

They don't make a tool for that

I need a dust collector and a laser stand

I need a broadcast spreader for the nitrogen 

I want a biscuit cutter to repair the porch

I need a nail compressor and a propane torch but I

Don’ need this broken heart

Solo

I need a joiner/planer and a socket wrench

I need a post hole digger to install the fence

I want a jet stream washer and a doweling jig

I'll take a generator with a welding rig but I

Don't need this broken heart

That only love can mend

I can… fix almost anything

And I'd bring her sweet love back…

But they don't make a tool for that..

No they don't make a tool…..don’ make a tool for that

When you told me you love me for the very first time

Man what a shock, you know you blew my mind

But I love you so much, so I spoke from the heart

And said I'd find the time to fix the rust on your car

It's a whole lot more than love, so I don't know what you were dreaming of

When you slammed the door and drove off that night

I guess I didn't say that I love you right.

I saw all of those dishes left after lunch

Man what a mess so I stuck with a hunch

Cuz I love you so much and the dishwasher's there

So I loaded it up with my usual flair

It's a whole lot more than love, so I don't know what you were dreaming of

When you saw my work and your face turned white

I guess I didn't say that I love you right

So I worked on your car and got rid of the rust

With my buffer and sander and the tools I trust

And I love you so much ? I decided to pause

To wash my overalls with your blouses and bras

It?s a whole lot more than love so I don't know what you were dreaming of

I used plenty of bleach! Don't be so uptight

I guess I didn't say that I love you right

I guess I didn't say that I love you right

I guess I didn't say that I love you right

I lie awake at night, dreaming of you

Kicking my feet, and watching you sleep

And as the moon slips by, over the bay

I count my lucky stars outside, 

And hear a song that I could write

(Chorus)

It's easy to find the words to sing

And since you love me

I can do most anything

The songs of yesterday were grim

The metaphors and synonyms

Those days I was torn apart

Now I sing with my happy heart!

I push the blanket back, rise to my feet

Leave you in bed, with a tune in my head

And as the sun returns, over the bay

I tell you as we greet the dawn

I've written you another song

Chorus

Solo

It's easy to find the words to sing

And since you love me

I can do most anything

The songs of yesterday were blue

Ya think a guy would get a clue

But loving you has changed my art

Now I sing with my happy heart!!

From My Happy Heart!!!

Friday nights at the football game, 

Fresh tomatoes from your own back yard

Sayin' a prayer to your favourite God

And takin' a trip in the family car

(Chorus)

You don' know what you got til it's gone

You don' know what you got til it's You

don' know what you got til it's gone

Risin' for work when the sun comes up

Stoppin' for coffee on the way to town

Havin' some luck at the fishing hole

And holding hands while the sun goes down

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

Now freedom has a certain ring

And justice is the plan

Men and women living free

That is our philosophy!

(Solo)

(Bridge)

(Last Verse)

Mowing the lawn on a sunny day

Helping the kids set up a tent

Planning your life with the one you love

And speaking up when you dissent 

 (Chorus, fade)

You were a stutterer… You were a big tall geek

You read Mother Jones and Willamette Week

You were a carrot top… You were the center's curse

You never ate red meat

And you knew Patty Hearst

Bill Walton…didn't I see you in a suit today

Callin' a game for the NBA…I tune in to hear your view

Bill Walton we're proud of you

I hear your sentiments….. I see your new acclaim

I hear you goin' off on somebody's game

You hated interviews ….. You were a malcontent

So how'd you get so doggone eloquent

Chorus

Solo

You took heat from the fans… You took heat from the press

It was a love-hate thing in PDX

Now you're a TV star..I am your humble fan

You are the quintessential color man

Bill Walton…Didn't I see you on the tube today

Callin' a game for the NBA  I tune in to hear your view

Bill Walton we're proud of you…Bill Walton we're proud of you

Bill Walton.. Didn't I see you in a suit today

Callin' a game for the NBA…..Hope that ankle is better too!!

Bill Walton we're proud of you, didn’t I see etc

He may not be perfect, but he is still okay

Cuz he's got two bad broken legs, and I like him that way

Sometimes I wonder, if I might go insane

Livin' my life in a wheelchair, just like Blaine

And I am grateful for these feet, they work with ease

I need my feet to kick his ass, when he starts to tease

Well he may not be perfect, then none of us are

He can't dance the mambo at the Taco Del Mar

Maybe you detect my pride for what he's become

He may not be perfect, but I call him my son

Sometimes I wonder, if I might go insane..

Tryin' to find a curb cut down on Taylor or Main

Or tryin' to get a cab if I was stranded at night

Yes if I was disabled would I fight a good fight?

He may not be perfect, then none of us are

And he can't burn the clutch out of his mother's new car

Well he may be the bravest man that I ever met

And he gets my devotion and undying respect

Bridge

But I can still be firm and I will be firmer still

When he is popping wheelies up on Blueberry Hill

He may not be perfect, but he is still okay

Cuz he's got two bad broken legs and I like him that way

Maybe you detect my pride at what he's become

He may not be perfect, but I call him my son

No he may not be perfect, but he's my perfect son.

I wandered around in this lonely old life

And I stayed to myself, I wasn't lookin' for help

No I couldn’t be broken, I felt sorry for guys

On Valentines Day, with love in their lives

If you'd asked me the question, on the day that we met

How long I'd be single, then I would have said

Forever, forever, forever, forever

Forever and ever you'll see

Forever, forever, forever, forever

Forever and ever Marie

Now I see you awake from a summer night's rest

While the sparrows sing sweet, on Madison street

And I think I might crumble if you say no

But I can't be your husband just by saying it's so…

So I pop you the question, and you wink your eye

And say "how long will you love me?'

To which I reply

Chorus

Solo

Now we stand in the garden with family and friends

And I pledge to remind you, again and again

Forever, forever, forever, forever

Forever and ever you'll see

Forever, forever, forever, forever

I'll love you forever, Marie

Now forget that fly fishin', unless you're a wuss

Get yourself some real bait, and come along with us

There's Chromies in the river, down by the slough

Start your engines gentleman, we got business t'do

On the Hog Line

On the Hog Line

There's a forty pound salmon, and that fishy is mine,

We're bringin' down the hammer 

On the Hog Line

Wait a minute baby, where's my thermos t'go?

Hand me over that ol' hook son, lemme slip on some roe

Now just toss it in the water, ain't no reason t'cast

They're schoolin' on the radar, and they won't make it past 

This ol' Hog Line,

We're on the Hog Line

Now when there's thirty-five boats, that's a pretty good sign

It's time t'bring down the hammer on the Hog Line

 Solo

 Oh there's Hogs in the river!!! Not just a few!!!

Start your engines gentlemen, we got FISHIN' t'do

 Choruses, fade

It coulda been a doctor, or a lawyer with a boat

It coulda been a movie star when you said okeydoke

Or maybe a professor, with a doctorate degree

So I can't help but wonder, why you picked me

It coulda been an athlete, with a fast and flush career

It coulda been a businessman with shekels up to here

It coulda been a president, or a future nominee,

So I can't help but wonder, why you picked me

(Bridge)

I believe a greater man would gladly fill my shoes

But there you were to pull me from the shadow of the queue

Now there are things in this ol' world I'll never understand,

But when you say you love me I become that greater man

(Solo)

(Bridge)

It coulda been a ruler, with a name like Maharaj

But I'm the man you picked and I just work in this garage

It coulda been a banker, with a knack for currency

So I can't help but wonder, why you picked me

No I can't help but wonder, why you picked me.

I don' think I'm askin' too much if I make this one request

I've been workin' hard for many years and I try to do my best

But a song that makes the hit parade is something that I've missed

So I'd appreciate it if you'd grant me this small wish!

Chorus

I wanna be a one-hit wonder, I wanna be a one-hit wonder

I wanna be a one-hit wonder, just one time!

And If I could be a one-hit wonder, If they would give my song a number

Then I could be a one-hit wonder, before I die

Well my mp3s are listed so you can download from my site

And I practice my guitar before I go to bed at night

Then I dream my composition will be climbing up the chart

And I thank you Mr. DJ from the bottom of my heart!

Chorus 

Solo

Bridge

Yes I know a verse and chorus should be followed by a bridge

And I know that I can do it because the "Swingin' Medallions" did!

Chorus 

Out

I hear the steam train rollin' by the esplanade

I said my prayers this morning to a living God

I've got a new tuxedo and a cumber bun

I hear the church bells ringin' up in Washington

Walk away? That's not right! I become an honest man tonight!

Run away? No, not me! I've been waiting all my life for thee!

We get a life together with a willing spouse

We get a pasta dinner at the judge's house

We get a trust agreement and a band of gold

We get to laugh and snuggle as we're growing old

Chorus, Solo

(Third verse follows, first 8 measures spoken or sung in judgevoice)

Now there's a damn good reason for the marriage of

These two fine people..It's a thing called love

Now you two are legal! You're certified!

Be good to you r woman, now KISS THE BRIDE!

Walk away? Yes I said! I've got a lifetime deal with the woman in red

Run away, That's for me! I couldn't drink another cup of tea

And I've been waiting all my life for thee!

Walk away? Yes I said! I've got a lifetime deal with the woman in red

Run away? That's for me! I couldn't eat another bite of brie

And I've been waiting all my life for thee!

Pinch on your ears, get serious, like Spock

C'mon everyone let's do The Vulcan Walk....

Don't ask about Star Trek, my knowledge is brief

I remember the Tribbles, they caused lots of grief

But when you need a homey, to solve a space crime,

Vulcans are brilliant, and they can meld minds,

So let's do The Walk, The Vulcan Walk, etc.

When Scotty lacks power, he yells with aplomb

And Shatner's a barker for Priceline.com

Spock is a Vulcan, he goes into a trance

And I always wanted to make up a dance

so let's do The Walk, the Vulcan Walk,etc

(featuring Blaine Deatherage-Newsom "calling the dog")

He chews our socks, he chews our shoes

Our shoes are wasted, so is the table

We love this puppy,  we get him chew toys

I much prefer the rubber ones, they're quieter

We got a lab...... A Labrador Retriever

We named him Chestnut, we're Labrador Believers

He licks our hands, he licks our faces

He licks the lawn, where other labs pee

We love this puppy, he flops his head on your neck

When you are drifting off to sleep

Chorus Solo (spoken word: come here boy....here Chess....get your toy....NO BITE!)

We found a big Pet supermarket, we get the best food they have

We use our credit card, we get other stuff

How many pig ears does one dog need Chorus, fade